The beginning

Of course, our journey started like other couples.  In August 2011 I went off the pill and started taking those prenatal vitamins you are told to take BEFORE you get pregnant.  Once we started trying to get pregnant, it would happen just like that or so we thought...  

In the beginning, we only had one set of friends who were expecting.  No one else we knew were planning on having a baby yet.  A few months passed and I started getting a little "crazy" with the OPKs (ovulation predictor kits for those of you who don't know).  Ok, its time!  There's a smiley face!  Let's do this!  LOL  Looking back on it, it's pretty funny.  So much pressure.  The timing.  Everything must be perfect.  Then ovulation would be over and the dreaded 2WW (two week wait between ovulation and your when aunt flo arrives).  This was never that big of a deal for me until it came time for my period to come in the next day or two.  I am not one of those girls who starts testing at 7 days past ovulation, have you seen how much those things cost a piece??  At this point in time, we could own stock in those things if I would have tested each month!  Even thought I don't take a pregnancy test each cycle, I am one who things every symptom might mean pregnancy.

"I think I have cramps." "Wait are my boobs sore" "I think my sense of smell is stronger" "My lower back hurts a little" 

Everything I felt MUST mean I am pregnant.  Unfortunately, this was not the case. 

Another thing that happens when you have baby on the brain...it seems like everyone you see out and about, is pregnant.  I have never noticed so many pregnant ladies before until I wanted to be pregnant.  I noticed more babies, baby items.  If it had to do with babies or being pregnant, there it was...in....my....face!  I couldn't get away from it!

And as the days and months went by I found myself getting extremely emotional after flow came along.  Greg was awesome and would just let me cry and hug me.  He would tell me, it will happen.  I want a little baby in your belly just as much as you do.  It will happen, don't worry.  

Not my original intention

It's March 19.  Tuesday of my spring break.  I am sitting here outside enjoying this sunny warm, 75 degree day in AZ.  It kinda makes me wonder how I could go back to a place where snow is still falling and I would be bundled up in a jacket drinking hot cocoa.  I should be working on my National Board writing, but just like many days before this one, I find my mind wondering to different thoughts.

Ok, that's not why I decided to start a blog today.  Yesterday, as I woke up at 2:35 am coughing because I finally got a cold (I had told myself I was one of the lucky ones not to get sick this year...), I started thinking about how this week was the beginning of a new journey for Greg and me.  I thought about how I have been feeling the last 19 months, how at times I felt alone or that the only person I could turn to was Greg, but at times I didn't want to burden him with my sorrow because perhaps at times, he too was feeling this way, but was being strong for me.  It's not that I couldn't talk to others, but who really wants to listen to poor Terra again...  You have to get sick of hearing about it again! I thought how maybe there were other people, friends, family, acquaintances, anyone who might be feeling or have felt similar to me.  Maybe it was time for me to share what we have been going through because it may be helpful to someone else who has or is in our same shoes. I don't want to make people feel bad for us or treat us differently.  I just want it off my shoulders, no more poor me, why me, it isn't fair!  Just our thoughts.  Read if you want, if not, that's ok too. 

My original intentions when I wanted to start a blog were to write about our journey becoming parents.  I could have this 'hidden' blog for the first 3 months and then SURPRISE we are pregnant!  Since we live so far from family it would be a great way for them to follow those first 3 critical months where you are told not to tell you are pregnant just in case something happens.  

Well that's not what I am here to write about...yet :)  Instead I am still going to tell you our journey as we TRY to become parents.  It has been a tough road so far and I am sure there will be more ups and downs ahead, but getting my thoughts down might make it a little easier.  Maybe not. I don't know, but I have faith that everything happens for a reason.